Unfamiliar Sound

When did it come to this
Yesterday you couldn't stop telling me how much I was missed
Left it with a kiss
Now we always pissed
Never thinking about how it affects the kid
I want a family with you why can't you understand
But the way you act makes me think there is another man
But we fall apart
Break my heart in more ways than one
Now the only thing that brightens my day is the sun
Our son oh how he is growing up
I wanted to grow old with you but what I do is never enough
So you leave
Me to believe
That there is no more love
The struggle has come between us
All the memories never happened
The screams replace all the laughing
This is everything I never imagined
Love turned to hate how tragic
I just want us to work
But you don't seem to care how much it hurts
My pride keeps me alive
When I feel dead inside
You show me all my worth
How times change
I remember it all so clearly
I wish the pain went away
You can't even be near me
Because you say you fear me
The feelings were so endearing
Now when I speak from my heart you can't hear me
You don't look at me the same anymore
This is the most difficult thing I have ever endured
All this suffering had no cure
I almost pulled out a ring for our future
But the fighting made me say no more
Now I live in remorse
I have no last resort
I even almost had to take it to court
We supposed to be married girl
Your mine an I'm yours
Tell me what is this all for
I grew up with out a father
He cheated on my mother
Iv been faithful I want no other
I don't want us raising this child with out each other
I wish it could be different
I don't want all the pictures of our son and me with you missing
Love brought us here
Now it appears to have disappeared
It is me wanting you to be in my arms where you belong
But this hopeless dream seems so far
It's so hard
I pretend to not care
I swear I wear and tear and I can't bare
Looking at the pillow next to me and your not there
What we had was so rare
It's time to settle down
I want you around
In today's world love is such an unfamiliar sound
Is it too late to play it now?

- Jigsaw

Adolescence

Going through puberty
Lost in scrutiny
Unconcerned of missed opportunities
Animals living along side teenage cruelty
A time in our life of confusion
Searching for amusement
Cruising afraid of losing
Wish we could freeze our youth
Ignore the truth in everything that we do
We don't pause on our flaws but carry on
Looking for fun at any cost
Hoping the morals we were taught
Doesn't conflict with the intentions in our thoughts
Wanting a new experience
Innocence and ignorance stolen when temptation is an interference
The rush from lust can be too much
We want to taste and touch alcohol and drugs
Parents on your case
Tired of living at their pace
Frustration rises
Rebellious tendencies lead to unwelcome surprises
Friends are made
Enemies are encountered
Adolescence is the period that we are found in
Weekends are the seasons of freedom
A reason to go against obedience and relieve stress from within us
Teachers become dictators
Parents become cops
Caught in between what we want and what we are not
Standards are set
Expectations prevent
Our ability to be confident as we progress
Worried that we will never be accepted
Unwilling to live regretting
It becomes difficult to adjust to this unsettling setting
We begin to live vicariously through those who want to see us succeed
Pressure builds up and it becomes so hard to breathe
Trying to break free from the chains of Sports academics family
Our problems and religious beliefs
Turned down and pushed back fucks with our self esteem
One mind is split
Your heart is divided and on verge on calling it quits
It is such a challenge
To live a life that is balanced
There comes a point and time you doubt yourself
And the reasoning for everything else
All I know is we grow each moment
Evolve and problem solve
Mistakes are made
Lessons are learned
Memories we create
Inside us a fire burns
High school years of complexity
Everything results unexpectedly
Responsibility becomes an unlikely possibility
Searching for fulfillment's necessities
Becomes a difficulty especially
When there are so many emotions
So many doubts
Doors opening and closing
Hoping understanding will be found

- Jigsaw

Blessings

Now I never took my blessings for granted
Even through havoc
I learned how to manage
No matter how tragic
The madness never attracts my sadness
I have grown accustomed to the truth things don't turn out to how you imagine
It can get hard to keep passion
When you feel like collapsing
No matter what happens
I don't want to live average
That's not how I plan it
It won't always be fantastic
It's always a surprise like magic
But I'm still a frantic fanatic
Chasing ecstasy I hope one day I will have it
A part of me wants a bad bitch with ass tits along with strong assets
I'm not with the fake plastic
Girlls who are stuck up an stretch guys out like elastic
But real women who stick to principles
Goals and obstacles are simple
When it comes to being an issue
Because they unfuckwittable right to their fucken tissue
Because they are determined motivated
Optimistic and never intimidated
A girl that expressing feeling emotions
And leaves it out in the open
Bad situations provoking hoping
For promoting their ways of coping through the thick air thats so potent
The motion is such a complex notion
Can't rest through the stress of reaching success
Because when life fucks you over its just meaningless sex
Can I protest through the mess of tests trying to make your integrity stretch
Because life is a privilege
People can never give in
Today can be the finish
If we skip it
And don't enjoy the vivid image we are living
We might miss it
Get the picture
I can be difficult to read like a sloppy signature
I can be a dick but my name isn't Richard
I'm too nice to those who don't give a fuck
And too harsh with those who show me nothing but love
Why is that
Crooked like sin bad
Piling up the the things I take back
Something like "put it on my tab"
Just speeding through life like a taxi cab
Looking forward is so easy when you afraid to look back
Memoirs of a lost individual
Slipping in sin
In a critical condition of senseless cynical
Habits
Why am I so attracted
To girls that are selfish and immature
Trying to get the best out of these fucken girls when there is no cure
Why is masturbation such a fascination
That gives me rejuvenation when I get frustrated like a car at the gas station
Come to face it
I'm spacing vacant
In my absent basement
Misplacement of my innocence has long been awaited
My life is under appreciated
I'm patient but wide awake through the pain with no sedation
So easy to be blunt
I don't give a fuck
Living once
So I can't even afford caring any given month
Premeditated and judged
In public I plunge
Right into the subject of a rugged loose Harriet Tubman
Lust in my heart connects me to my desires and wants like a conjunction
Because underground of my surface is some super spiritual shit
But I'm trying to jump off this superficial cliff
High and lows
Lost on the road that has no signs pointing which way to go
Scratch that
Pass that
I'm trying to be different
Something 2 chainz never envisioned
Split like division
Cut into my soul make an incision
Because I'm never used to change
I mean you can't prepare for life and what it takes
Because typically I'm silly on the outside
But inside you can't read my mind and the time invested into counting my steps to climb
I'm crippled by morals that I used to live by
Now I'm sinful I participate in hedonism I realize
Iv change in a way I can't explain
I mean I remember being self conscious while my conscience would always tell me to be cautious of making a mistake
I don't know what I take seriously anymore
I'm curious to know what it is all for
There is no great enough of a award
After your soul has been torn
With the devious mischievous poisonous envy
I hear the devil whispering in my ear trying to tempt me
Pain is pleasure and Im an addict
I need rehab to release me from this cage I'm trapped in
Seems like every day there is chaos and catastrophe
Hard work rarely pays off and being fake is main stream
Chasing dreams is nothing but a common reality
But I can't stop having nightmares
Like I'm living on elm street
It's funny how unique we all try to be
When we are all the same on the inside charged by the same battery
Sometimes I wonder if I live for me
Or for my family
I mean we all want a ending that's happily
Ever after
Is immpossible when we live in a natural disaster
I mean I remember hoping for a fairy tell
I use to not take in the facts very well
I trust almost anyone I meet
Calm I keep
A couch I sleep
Lost taste in the food I eat
Holes in my souls like someone walked on it with cleats
My mind can be weak
As strong as it may seems
There are point and times I feel I'm not me
Life becomes dull ultimately
Parents and relatives slowly drifting
A late bloomer my pedals are shifting
Bug bites no longer sting
I don't ponder on the little things
Cut off my puppet strings
Parents you are not welcome please
I'm so dependent
Watching over my every move might as well finish my fucken sentence
So ask me what's my motivation
Question when the old me and new me created separation
Doubt my future destination
Criticize my yearning for physical sensations
I'm alert I I go berserk until it hurts and burns like I'm laying in turf
Count the minutes
Watching the seconds
In a instant
Life can turn from pleasant to a wreckage
So I have developed a certain skill
I'm sure it's not a surprise to reveal
I stay optimistic
When live is getting twisted
Emotions might mix in
But I never let it cease me like twitches
I might get cut up from bitches
But my pride will be the stitches
I might break but I will always fix it
Devil will never put me in submission
With all these blessings given
I promise to never give in
You have God as my whiteness

- Jigsaw

A Conversation of Aspirations

Decisions conflicting with our intuition impairs the vision
Have a destination but will not ever reach it
Too many detours and obstacles in between it
Hope turns ito desparity
Dreams become nightmares resulting in the absence of clarity
The human condition yearns for a sense of belonging
A connection of love and acceptance is all we are longing
Happiness is difficult to obtain
Struggle prevents the brain to stay sane
Crippled and wounded by past mistakes
Lost in the world and out of place
Individuals that share the same desires
Missing reasoning that fuels the fire
Make promises that you will never surrender
Remaining stagnant in the idea of a better forever
Life becomes a never ending lecture
Searching for gold but there is no map in this adventure
Approval becomes crucial in this society that is so superficial
We adapt and dismiss any morals participating in the everyday ritual
We all were giving life and in the end it will be taken
We are giving the middle to form whatever we wish to make it
Some of us want to be successful
Some see the glass empty some full
I just know I do not want to be regretful
Others just stick to boring routines like a cycle menstrual
So there is always religion
You could pray for better living conditions
Counting the days until your relative is out of prison
Worried about a college tuition that will one day provide nutrition in the kitchen
Now we reminiscing wishing we did something different
Memories become irrelevant because the present is the only chance we are given
It seems no one will listen
You are all alone on an uncharted island with no rescue boat in the distance
Trying to be your own hero in this world of villains
They say with determination and persistence
Anything is possible
Its hard to believe when possibilities and opportunities become obsolete and illogical
In the rat race your trapped with no cheese
This life is a ride with ups and downs and all you want to do is scream
You plead for what you need
Breathe and bleed for what you believe
Never before have you achieved in receiving peace
So many worries you cannot enjoy living
Guilty by every jury the life sentence is unforgiving
Just pledge to me that you will continue to fight
Aspirations is all you have so hold on tight

Mysterious Belly Dancer

I see you smile 
Does that mean I make you feel good

All the while I'm wondering 

If I even should 

I make you laugh because you think I'm funny 

The matter of fact I'm trying to

Turn you into a love junkie 

Hesitant with my every move

Because the truth 

Is that you are someone I'm not willing to lose

Something about you

Can't wrap my mind around it

No replacement or substitute 

You got my heart don't know where you found it 

When I'm with you 

Everything else disappears

Caught in the moment 

Memories seem so clear 

I'm just hoping we didn't meet each other too young 

Because feelings like this only can occur once

I want your trust

It's not just lust

Take it slow we don't need to rush

I close my eyes

I see your face 

I cannot hide

I'm seeking your grace

Without you I'm out of place

Just waiting for the day

You come back to take me away

Walk or run

In winter cold or summer sun

Fly or climb

Rain or shine

I'm pursuing you until your mine 

When we kiss I'm lifted 

Hold my bliss grant my wishes 

You can't speak how you feel

But I'm willing to listen

I'm not illiterate but you can be hard to read

I hope I never have to chuck up the deuce I'm not talking peace 

I want you to myself I dont care if it's a form of greed 

Follow my lead

I can take you to serenity 

If belonging is what you need

Start with me

Ever felt a passion so real it becomes hard to breathe 

Ever get caught up so deep 

You are buried underneath

Your dreams

Becoming reality 

Holding you tight 

I hear your heart speak 

It's empty 

With a sign that pleads no 

Entering 

Yearning for someone to make a key

To set your love free

Distant from everyone who is persistent 

In giving you attention 

Experiencing but not learning from its lessons

Your words are your weapons

Close yourself up for your own protection 

Coming off aggressive 

So the pain is deflected

Pain aimed in your direction 

You can't show affection

But I'm here still

Trying to make a decision 

Waiting on you I'm not trying to risk it

The feelings I miss it

But I already cleaned up a murder scene with no whiteness 

You got me to the point I can't ask about your past

 Because I get jealous of you being with another man

I can't ask you what is the furthest you've gone 

Because I know I'm not the only one

What you think of me though

You never answer 

I wonder if I will ever know

The mysterious belly dancer 

Hope you don't portray the wrong image 

I can come as a surprise no ribbon 

Given our current position 

I question if it's worth it

Thinking of you you seem so perfect 

But I know something worth having doesn't come easy 

But you thinking the same isn't easy believing 

I think so much about you I don't think you understand 

To get me on your mind I do everything I can 

I try to win you over 

With so many methods 

With my actions and the way I form a sentence 

I am kind and intelligent 

But how much I offer never seemed so relevant 

I know I can care too much

I can come too strong 

It can be so tough 

Getting this to last long

I'm dedicated and patient 

I'v been in the past relationships

The memories I can't erase em

Damaged yet ready to go

I'm hoping to see sunshine at the end of our road  

Your laugh brings me to paradise 

I don't need a vacation to take pressures off my life

I focus on every detail 

I don't want my plan to fail

Because I know I am two years older

I know you are not allowed to date 

I know girls grow colder

The longer the nice guy stays

It's easier for them to get over

So I try to change

Adjust to keep your interest 

I can't be the same

Because last time I was taken advantage of by the minute 

I see your independence 

And strong mentality 

I have heard your intentions 

All along my fantasy 

Every summer you go to Mexico

Will I be able to let go

I don't won't to be the one from back home 

You have aspirations and goals just like me 

I admire every asset that's why I can't leave 

I think about things you never will 

I know it's temporary I'm trying to keep time still

Next year I'm willing to make it work 

Hopefully you will in return 

It probably not one of your concerns 

That is something I have come to learn 

Used to telling people how I feel 

Now more then ever I try to conceal 

Because I'm on a high that is surreal 

I don't even know how I feel 

I keep thinking maybe if your mom meets me it will be different 

She will like me and let me visit 

So every time we see each other it isn't a lie or secret 

We can't even talk on the phone what kind of relationship is it

Most guys tell me that couldn't do what I am

That's just me because you are something I must have 

Now I know I'm going to college 

And so much will happen 

Live in the fast lane 

With no belt fastened 

But I'm falling 

Like a dummy that's crashing 

Right out of the fairy tale like magic 

I'm pushing as far as I can 

Hope this is an idea you can stand 

I mean I am caught in between 

Feelings and hope 

Reasons that provoke 

My present confusion 

But your so my type it creates an illusion 

That proves it

I am clueless

- Jigsaw

Life's Beautiful Twisted Scheme

In this life we are given free will
Youth is temporary so I am trying to keep time still
Preserve a smile from my grandfather
Mental pictures of my peers before we move on to what else our lives offers
It is invisible and controls our lives
It is invincible and we cannot hide
Time is such an overlooked theme of today
It brings change and there is no means of escape
Whether we choose to or not we must age
Decay and await our fate
Time is money and precious
From every hour and second
Time can be wasted and lost
It teaches lessons but we must interpret the message
We were once children forced to become men
Get educated and find love and settle in
Raise our own fruit until the cycle repeats again
Until memories will be the only evidence left
Same numbers on the clock
They each tell a different story
Same theme different plot
Watching us all grow must be so rewarding
From a baby in the crib
To first day of school meeting new kids
Our first words to speeches
From learning to becoming the one who teaches
Shooting star wishes to our first kisses
Innocence oh how I miss it
Older we get the more difficulties intercepts
That is how we progress so there should be no regret
That high school diploma to that wedding celebration
Being a home owner from being in your parents basement
First job to that promotion
Having grandchildren that make you feel important
Life is beautiful it is easy to notice
Yesterday is in the past
Tomorrow has yet to pass
Just try to make today last
Live in the moments
Before they are gone
You can not postpone the present
It cannot be cloned
Seize the opportunities as they present them self
Make some stories for you to tell
Time tells us where to go
But we decide what each day will hold
I hear relatives reminisce
I see the missing presence of bliss
I smell the love from the kiss of soft lips
I touch the rush of adrenaline given
I taste the waste of corruption and sinning
But time brings change so I follow my intuition
Count my blessings and make my life
With each second is a gift from time
A wise man once told me we must make our life special
We form the gate and key to our potential
So promise myself to never settle
 I do not believe in expectations
My hopes and dreams are not segregated
Pace will change and I am patient
I live only once and I must savor it
Very observant to my surroundings
I understand the human condition all around me
Yearn for acceptance
Belonging somewhere is we are all destined
Waiting on the time to come
Where pain ceases and we feel love
Time has a plan
We may not like it
Give it a chance
We should not fight it
When everything seems irrelevant and insignificant
When depression makes you want to give in
Look at the positive
Time is honest
When you feel empty and obsolete
Let time find the missing piece
The piece you need that will complete
Life's Beautiful Twisted Scheme

- Jigsaw

The Time Capsule of My life

Growing up along side innocence made me ignorant
Life never made any sense but I went along with it
Protected from the world and the corruption
I lived isolated on an island where problems consumption
Led to volcanic eruptions
I used to cry watching my parents argue and fight
Now I become transparent amongst the demons at night
School and first crushes
What was cool and my mom's notes in my lunches
Life was cruel because the thought of death made me sick to my stomach
I remember my mamas used to watch me and my sister every summer
Now she is always missing and when I see her it seems she doesn't know how much love her
My great grandma hammered my head out of a fence when I was a baby
We used to do homework together, watch Heidi, and I would patiently await for what she would make me
My aunt Gloria was a visit to the bakery
A movie theater we would watch horror flicks, fragile minded every scene would break me
I went to three schools before high school
Made plenty of friends, but all I think about is that we grew up too soon
Reminiscing on my past and the laughs no one would understand why I am the way I am
Remember when I put that basketball in my hands
For the first time I felt alive and a passion burned inside my eyes
Day and night I would be outside, imagine me trying so hard if I failed I would cry
Back when life was simple
My dad and I played video games and grew my first pimple
Back when my best friend Brandon was there and a girl was something we feared
Before our lives separated and his presence disappeared
When we played ball and went to each others house every weekend
I still cannot let the truth sink in
Before I felt heartbreak and lived with a heart that is bleeding
Before my parents divorce was something I believed in
Before I questioned life's meaning
When God was apart of my life
When praying didn't feel wrong but was right
I want to go back in time
Relive the moment my mom took me to the park and fell off the slide
I knew she would take care of me and everything would be alright
Before I knew thoughts of suicide
Before I grew accustomed the dark and turned off the light
Back when my sister and I used to play games
and I didn't change
The years of our youth I won't ever get back
By now it is much too late
We used to pretend it was school and I was the teacher
Her and my cousin were students
We run outside in our sneakers
That life I never knew I would lose it
Christmas at our house
Wishes granted on behalf of loves account
Break ups and divorces
Pay cuts and abortions
Screams and tears voices
The devil and in pounds in large amounts
So hard to block out the sounds that keep coming around
Before I knew the reason my grandparents weren't together
Before I knew he cheated and her heart wasn't severed
Now lust is pleasure
It is a must by any measure
My soul is stained
I am fine but my conscience feels pain
I just thought everything would always be the same
Memories, in the past they will always remain


- Jigsaw

Jigsaw

It wasn't until recently i made a connection between jigsaw puzzles and my life. As innocent children we would search for pieces to come together and form one picture. Whether we received help from others to find the pieces or put them together our goal was to complete that picture. Sometimes we loose those pieces leaving the puzzle incomplete forever. Just like a jigsaw puzzle everyday of my life is just another piece putting together the picture of who I am and my life all together. Along the journey of my life i have been influenced and helped to put me together. Some pieces are a perfect fit, some are dull, some are uniquely shaped, and other pieces have been damaged. If you asked to see who i am i could not show you because my puzzle is not yet complete because I am searching for pieces to complete it. I love hip-hop/rap. I love to write. Whether it is labeled as lyrics or poetry i have written in composition books, my iPod, and phone for over two years and has become an outlet to get away from reality. So the posts I put up are most likely going to be these kind of works. The way I look at it and hope you do as well, these are pieces of me. Pieces of my personality and my experiences. The way I feel or portray life. My thoughts are as radical as black and white, but can be shades of grey. They are just the things I think about. I am hoping you will discover more about the person I am. Maybe, I will learn something about myself as well.

- Jigsaw